One common mistake beginning writers make is throat-clearing. In literary terms, this means “coughing up” words before getting into the story. Writers who do this load lots of information, details, and wordiness in the opening page before anything actually happens. Doing this in the first draft is fine, but during the revision process writers should work to get rid of it.

When writing an opening, think about a favorite movie. What was its opening scene? How did it hook us? I mention movies because it’s one of the main forms of entertainment we writers compete with. Consider books too. Study their opening lines and paragraphs. Do they hook us? Sometimes when I visit a bookstore, if I’m not familiar with a certain book’s author, I’ll read its first page. If the first paragraph or so doesn’t grab me, I don’t buy it.

Although there are many ways to begin a story, the best way is the action opening. This opening begins in medias res. That is, in the middle of the action. It can begin with something spectacular, such as an earthquake, or something seemingly innocent like a knock on the door. It can also include dialogue, though this isn’t a requirement. We must either see a character in action or hint at something that’s about to happen. Also, be sure to mention your character’s name as soon as possible.

In my novel, Squire, A Mascot’s Tale, a dog story set during the Civil War, I didn’t clear my throat by writing long stretches of preamble before the story begins. I began in medias res instead. Let’s look at the book’s two opening paragraphs.

Excerpt from Squire, A Mascot’s Tale

“Well, I’d sure as sand say he is going with us.” Jesse Webb sauntered down the wooden steps of his father-in-law’s brick furniture store.

His wife folded her arms, her emerald green hoopskirt spanning its slatted walkway. “Oh, no, he’s not. Besides, how could you take the most popular dog in Coughlin? He might get killed.”

Analysis of Squire, A Mascot’s Tale

• Main characters introduced: Jesse, Jesse’s wife, and the dog. By the sixth paragraph, we learn the dog’s name (Squire) as well as the name of Jesse’s wife (Rachel).
• Setting introduced: the town of Coughlin.
• Conflict introduced:  Jesse and Rachel arguing over Squire.
• Danger introduced: I hinted at danger for Jesse and Squire when Rachel says, “What if he gets killed?” Later, we’ll learn what the danger is—Jesse is taking Squire to war as his   regiment’s mascot. Because mascots were common among soldiers on both sides of the Civil War, this storyline is believable.

We’ll look further at openings in the next post.

For anyone interested in purchasing Squire, A Mascot’s Tale, it’s available for purchase on The Author’s Cove Bookstore.

Three characters don’t crowd a story’s scene, not even four. But I’d be careful not to have too many in one scene because it can make it harder for readers to follow.

So, what happens when a third character enters into a dialogue scene? He/She can deepen the scene’s conflict and/or spin the story’s plot a different direction.

Dialogue– The Third Character

Bill sighed. “Now where are you going, Alice?”

            “Back to the grocery store.” Alice snatched her purse off a chair in the den.

            “Again? Today?”

            “A woman’s got a right to shop.”

            “Not as much as you do.”

            “Well, humph! I forgot to buy eggs.”

            “That’s just an excuse. The eggs can wait.” Bill settled back on the couch and grabbed the remote. He flicked on the television to the sound of cheers—a football game. “Where else do you plan on shopping?”

            Alice jerked open the front door; she gaped at the visitor, George Taylor. Smiling, she let him enter.

            “Hey, Alice! Your knight in shining armor has arrived.” George spread wide his arms as though he wanted a hug.

            “I asked that woman a question,” Bill said.

            George slid his arm around Alice’s shoulders and they embraced. “Your sister happens to be my little lady.” He winked at her. “Hey, what’s happening on the idiot box, Bill, my man?”

            “Cowboys and Giants. First quarter.”

            “Aw, Georgie-pie. My little brother here watches ESPN too much.”

            “I already told you, Alice. I’ll quit watching sports when you quit shopping all the time.”

            “That’ll be the day!” With a hearty laugh, George steered Alice outside to her car.

            Stupid George. Bill upped the volume on his television in time to watch the Cowboys score a touchdown. He couldn’t let those two get married.

Observations on Third Character Dialogue

• Conflict. I used lighter conflict, but the issue of Alice’s shopping remains the central focus.
• Surprise. While some readers may have thought Alice and Bill were married in the previous dialogue, the arrival of George reveals that Alice and Bill are siblings. Thus, I used an element of surprise here. Readers enjoy getting surprised.
• George. I showed his personality through dialogue. Instead of taglines to reveal when he’s speaking, I used beats. Taglines are fine, but don’t overdo them. The same goes for beats, for too many beats can become a distraction. If dialogue is well written, readers should be able to know who is speaking without having to rely on such literary devices. So, use them carefully, and strategically, throughout the dialogue scene.
• Bill. In the last paragraph, I italicized Bill’s direct thoughts. We’ll discuss direct thoughts later in a future post.

Yes, this wraps up my series on dialogue, at least for now. Hope everyone found something useful in it.

“Where are you going?” Bill asked.

            “To the grocery store,” Alice said.

            “Why are you going again?’

            “I forgot to buy eggs.”

            “Will this be the last time you’ll go today?” Bill sat on the couch and flicked on the television with his remote control.

            “Yes.” Alice grabbed her purse.

            “Well, goodbye then.”

            Goodbye.” Alice walked out of the den.

Oh, wow! What’s happenin’ in this dialogue? I mean, what’s goin’ on? Man, is this boring or what?

Yes, it’s boring. Why? Because it has no conflict or significant action, and we get no sense of who Alice and Bill are as people. We must work on these things in this next revision step, and continue working on them no matter how many revisions it takes. If we’ve written their biographies and have come to know them well, this will make writing their dialogue a little easier.

My Revision

“Now where do you think you’re going?” Bill said.

            Alice snatched her purse from off a chair in the den. “Back to the grocery store.”

            “Again? Today?”

            “A woman’s got a right to shop.”

            “Not as much as you do.”

            “Well, I forgot to buy eggs.”

            “Oh, that’s another one of your stupid excuses. The eggs can wait. The hens’ll lay more of them tomorrow.” Bill plopped on the couch and seized the remote. He flicked on the television to the sound of cheers—a football game. “Where else do you plan on wasting my money?”

            Alice jerked open the front door.

            “I asked you a question, woman.”

            “I’ll answer it when you quit watching ESPN all the time.”

            “I’ll quit watching sports when you quit shopping so much.”

            “A woman’s got a right to shop.”

            “Yeah. I’ll be shredding your credit cards tomorrow, woman. A man’s got a right to watch sports.”

Observations on Revision

• Conflict: Conflict doesn’t always have to be physical or verbal, but in my revision I  decided to have Alice and Bill argue.
• Characterization: We learn something about Alice and Bill. Based on this excerpt, Alice may be a shopaholic because Bill complains about her “wasting my money,” but we  aren’t sure yet so we need to keep reading. Bill, too, may have a problem. He may be a    sports addict because he watches ESPN all the time. Again, we’ll have to keep reading to   find out.
• Three questions advance this story: (a) After Alice leaves the house, Bill threatens to shred her credit cards. Will he follow through with this threat? (b) If Bill does follow through with it, how will Alice react? (c) Do Alice and Bill have addictions that cause  problems between them? If so, how will they resolve their issues?

Their conversation, then, sounds natural but it also advances the plot and reveals something about the characters, which is what dialogue is supposed to do.

Yes, I did forget to mention something–beats!

Beats

Definition:      A beat is an action a character does that adds to a dialogue’s impact and tells us something about the character. Beats should be carefully considered for each  character in the story, not just thrown in to take up space.

Example:        If a character is insecure, beats should reveal that insecurity. How would an   insecure person behave in different settings and situations? Some insecure people hide their  insecurities by bragging, whereas others may be shy. How would a braggart  behave at a party, for instance, if the braggart is insecure? How would a shy, insecure person behave in a party? Not all shy people are insecure. Some folks just have a quiet nature and don’t talk a lot—it’s part of who they are. Perhaps the same could be said about braggarts as well.

My Beats

• Sighing. Bill is either worn out physically or emotionally. Or, he may just be frustrated. Or both. We’ll need to read further to find out.
• Alice snatched her purse. Alice is either angry or in a hurry, depending on the story’s context. When she slammed the door we see that she’s probably more angry at Bill than she is in a hurry.
• Bill plopped on the couch and seized the remote. Bill’s pretty upset with Alice, too.

See how these beats are put in the right place and how they work? Also notice they can be used to replace taglines. One of the literary trends these days is to avoid taglines and only use beats, but for what it’s worth, I disagree with this. Just like taglines, though, be careful not to overdo them, inserting them after every piece of dialogue a character utters because it gets distracting.

If the dialogue is well written, with every character having his/her own unique speech rhythm, pet words and expressions, etc., we won’t need to use too many of either. When we do use taglines and beats, however, use them in strategic places on the page.

Well, cat, we’ll get in that in my final post. Now go catch a mouse !